I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
