I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
