Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
