It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
