There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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