found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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