Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
