so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
