So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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