Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
