just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
