he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
