i permit you to call me
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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