im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
