aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
