i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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