i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
