Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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