So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
