WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
