So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
