there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
