Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
