Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
