I'm lost and stupid without you.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
