mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
