I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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