What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
