Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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