I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
