Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Boobs speak an international language.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize