i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
