Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
