I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
