Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
