ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Girls should come with a carfax report
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
