Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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