Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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