Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
