your thong is hanging out like whoa
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My penis needs a shock collar
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
