why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
