sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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