Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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