My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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