I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
