i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
