The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
