The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
