i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
and she was petting her beer can
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
