did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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