He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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