He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I don't think brook has ever known best
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You are a genius and a whore.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
